March 2004 Archives

1 x Beer and 3 x glasses of red wine (above standard) is enough to put me in a state where I probably should not be driving..

Ever tried to scratch your eye and then realised you are wearing sunglasses? Hmm.. neither have I.

Unless you are a creationist - and even then there is pretty strong evidence against your 'position', most of use agree that we have evolved from monkeys. Infact what is it, there is only a 0.5% of a difference between our DNA and our banana eating relatives.

But I think the true difference between apes and humans can be defined by three simple things. Tweezers, Contraception and Cable - as in cable TV.

It sums it up really.. we are just animals that have better tools - we groom our selves and each other - but with the aid of Tweezers. Dont you think Monkeys would be using Tweezers as well if they had thought about it?

Contraception - my 10 year old neice reads this site so Im not going to spell this one out.. but you get the general idea.. birth control - it allows us to do all of that good stuff whilst reducing the risks :)

And Cable.. if monkeys knew about cable TV then I can assure you they would be on the lounge with a beer as well..

Simple really isnt it. If only Darwin had thought of it.

Sometimes it just doesnt add up. I was working on some statistics for work today and was working out some percentages. I got to one range and due to rounding I couldnt get the total of the percentages to equal 100%. And that well.. well it bugged me! I didnt like that.

For example.. we know that if you take a whole thing (100% of something) and then divide it equally 3 ways then the sum of those 3 parts should equal the whole thing. Yes? Well no. One third of something is 33%. So in theory 33% x 3 should give us the whole thing, that is 100%. Well we know it doesnt. It gives us 99%.

And dont give me any of that rounding rubbish! 1% cant just disappear! Its never going to equal 100% no matter which way you try. So in theory it is impossible to divide something equally 3 ways because there will always be this.. well.. ermm.. little bit left over. And I dont like that.. the world is supposed to be perfect isnt it?

So what I want to know is if you have three children and you have to divide a cake up equally between them... yeah you know where I am going with this.. some kids going to walk away with a little bit extra and that then is showing favouritism to one of your children and thats just not right!

Or maybe you could just take that last 1% as a cutters fee?

Today arriving at my designated parking position at work I realised that I didnt have $3 in change for the parking ticket machine. So I got one of my old ones and 'strategically' folded it so that the date was covered and put it on my dashboard.

I dont know if it was some form of guilt (not!) or the fact that I assumed that that old trick wasnt going to trick anyone - esp a savy parking inspector. So when I arrived at work I checked in my draw and found $3 in change. Off I went walking back to my car.. mind you wearing a new pair of shoes for the first time.

That in itself should be a seperate blog, but why is it that the first day you wear a new pair of shoes are the same days that you find you are involved in the walking marathon for the olympic games?

So I get back to my car, throw the coins into the ticket machine and out comes my ticket. I walked (well limp because I have blisters bigger then dinner plates on my heals by now) and realise that.. ermm.. I didnt bring my car keys with me.. they are in my bag which is sitting on my desk all safe and secure where I left it back at work.

Oh Brother! With no way of being able to get into my car to put the ticket on my dashboard I do the next best thing.. I lick the back of it (yes instant glue - try it sometime - although its not recommended for repairing glass or any other sharp objects) and smack it to the middle of my windscreen. And off I limp.

All day I wondered if I would get a parking infringement. The fact that I may have gotten a ticket didnt bother me too much.. well not as much as the fact that I would have had a ticket and paid the $3 in the end anyway.

And just for the record, no I didnt have an infringement and yes the parking ticket was still stuck fast to my windscreen - see spit is like glue!

Seen on a T-Shirt - "Make Chocolate not War"